Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
