If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
