hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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