I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
