Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.

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(727): View more from Florida

You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.

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(408): View more from California

I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.

Fav 13 7464 1168
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(917): View more from New York City

What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.

Fav 7 1884 965
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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.

Fav 8 1123 1529
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(406): View more from Montana

Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.

Fav 3 989 495
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(410): View more from Maryland

What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?

(443): View more from Maryland

Shame?

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