you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
