I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
