I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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