my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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