I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
