Your face is a jimmy john
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
