Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize