so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
