u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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