Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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