I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
