Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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