I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
