Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Still dying that you shit outside
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
