last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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