Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
