So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
