I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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