Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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