Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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