I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
