peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
