We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
