My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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