You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
