Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We had sex on a dog bed..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
