im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Randomize
