drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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