this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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