I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
