apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
