i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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