Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
