Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
