The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
