They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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