It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
