If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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