I love black thongs
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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