Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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