My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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