they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize