You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
