I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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