so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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