I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
