these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
