I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize