eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
