how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
