I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
