Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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