Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
