tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize