She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
not ubering you a puppy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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