i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I didn't notice because vodka
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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