He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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