I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
