Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
