my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
