Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
